Learning How to Be Successful

I’m Still Learning

Learning how to be successful for me means accepting that I had to quit my first part time job because it cost me more to work there than they were paying me.

Learning how to be successful means learning that no matter how much I like my new job, I shouldn’t be working there by this time next year.

It means a lot of my time is spent kicking myself and overanalyzing every decision that I make, but at the same time improvising and getting over every pitfall.

It means that some of my closest friends are going to be upset with me because it’s really not effective for me to work with you if you aren’t taking steps forward.

I tell myself that I have to be successful — it stems from comparisons I make between myself and other people and a chip on my shoulder forcing me to live up to something (I’m writing this after having to question whether I still know how to write). I work really hard to pick up new skills. I’m by no means a fast learner, especially when I’m not putting in a decent amount of effort to learn things. Grit and endurance are my top two character traits.

I believe success isn’t an innate trait or ability or characteristic, it’s learned. I don’t think it stems from anything except learned behaviour. Successful people have successful children and so on. I’m not attributing it to genealogy or old money right now (but it does play a part for obvious reasons relating to socio-economic status and upward social mobility) I just think that if you aren’t surrounded by successful examples then it gets a lot harder, you have to find a mentor, you have to read, research, plan, you have to give a lot up (not saying that people born into successful families never have to work for it [sorry for using so many brackets, I like making side comments, this is how I talk]).

When you invest so much time in the future you start to lose out on the present. I find myself slowly feeling alienated from a lot of people because of this. I’m so macro-minded and the worst part is that when you look at the big picture of your life you start to obsess over the little things.

Am I doing the right things now so I can get a job after I graduate?

Am I going to get a good job?

Am I doing enough to get into med/grad/business school?

Am I spending enough time with my family/friends/significant other?

Am I going to be able to take care of my mom when she retires?

These are some of the questions that plague my cohorts and I. My cohorts, in this case, being working class kids on the proverbial cusp. We were raised by our immigrant parents to go to school and get good jobs. We were told this was the land of opportunity. It is the land of opportunity, but it’s not handed to you and no degree will loosen the grip on it. Our parents were our role models, but they couldn’t teach us North American success. No one can predict the future or give you an accurate blueprint on how to make it in [North] America (or anywhere, I’m willing to relocate).

The best comparison I can make is a laser trying to be the sun, burning intensity designed to focus on one thing, but attempting to be 1000 times hotter with an infinitely greater reach.

This is half an open apology letter to everything and everyone that got neglected this summer and this year and for a long time by me. I’m sorry that I got caught up in a race that no one forced me into. The other half is a reminder to myself that before I was everything else that I am or aspire to be, I was some kid who liked to write.